"Tito Santana is like a cue-ball: The more you strike him, the more English you get out of him." 

 Gorilla: "Hello ladies." (referring to the Rosatti sisters. The Rosatti's are several rather large women who, among other things, were regulars on the short-lived USA Network program The Bobby Heenan Show) Brain: "I guess the rodeo's in town again." 

 Gorilla: "Hey Brain, they recognized you." (Again about the Rossatis) Brain: "The only thing they recognize is a buffet." 

 Brain: "I looked it up - you know what Rosatti means in Italian?" Gorilla: "Sure, it means red, rich, full... " Brain: "Nope - it means lard!" 

 (Referring to Koko B. Ware's bird, Frankie) Gorilla: "Those birds can live to be twenty-five or thirty years old." Brain: "Not in my house." Gorilla: "I'm sure." Brain: "If he was in my house he'd be in a shake 'n' bake bag; do you like your parrots original or extra crispy?" Gorilla: (His favorite response to anything Bobby says, exasperated) "Will you stop?" 

 (Referring to a match in progress in Texas) Gorilla: "Well, we'll be right back with a fight that's taking place very near where a big fight occurred many years ago." Brain: "You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo? Gorilla : "Why?" Brain: "They only had one car." 

 (Commenting on Hulk Hogan's entry/exit theme song) Brain: "That's my second favorite song." Gorilla: "I'm almost afraid to ask - what's your favorite?" Brain: "All the rest are tied 

 Heenan: "Once you wrestle Rikki Atakki, an hour later you want to wrestle him again." 

 ( Right before they run a Tito Santana match) Brain: "Did you know that Tito holds a place in the Guinness Book of World Records?" Gorilla: "Yeah, for what?" Brain: "He picked over 1600 heads of lettuce in a half an hour." Gorilla: "Will you stop!" (Match is televised, Tito wins) Gorilla: "Well, it doesn't look like Tito needs to concern himself with lettuce heads anymore." Brain: "Yep - he can move right on to tomatoes." 

 Brain: "Do you know what Koko B. Ware's mom's name is?" Gorilla: "What?" Brain: "Tupper." 

 (Gorilla is talking about the last match, and Bobby is on the banana phone with someone, trying to get advance tickets to Wrestlemania VII, and one listens carefully and hears, in rapid succession) "That's right, tickets are going on sale... " "Well don't get smart with me, I'll slap you in the mouth... " "Do you want me to knock ya down?" (And as they pan off to an ad,) "I'll talk to you later mom." 

At Superbrawl V, commenting at a match between Hogan and Vader) "Vader's gonna beat Hogan so hard, he (Hogan) will grow hair" 

At Superbrawl V, during the introduction of tag match between Avalanche & Big Bubba Rogers Vs. Sting & "Macho Man" Randy Savage.) Announcer: "Introducing at combined weight of 838 lbs here at BBR & Avalanche... " Brain: "Ho hoooooo!!! That's more than half a ton!!!" Schiavone: "You are right, Brain." Brain: "That's more than the dandruff on Okerlund's head." 

 McMahon: "Brain, do you know anything about Voodoo?" Heenan: "What? We were in a hotel room, but we didn't do anything." McMahon: "What are you talking about?" Heenan: "What are you talking about?" McMahon: "I was talking about Voodoo." Heenan: "Oh, I thought you are talking about Lulu." 

 Heenan: "I KNOW who the Assassin is !!!!" Schiavone: "Tell us, Bobby, who?" Heenan: "He's the guy down at ringside wearing the mask!" 

 "A friend in need is a pest." 

 "You don't have to yell at me! I'm not blind!" 

 (I have an old newspaper column written about Heenan when he was managing the Valiants in the AWA during the 1970s. His final comment to the interviewer was) "The two things that scare me most about wrestling fans is that they're allowed to vote and allowed to reproduce." 

 Gorilla: "That was an illegal move!" Brain: "No it wasn't." Gorilla: "Yes it was!" Brain: "No, it was a legal move, it was a Greco-Roman Hair Pull." 

 (One was, after a match with Battle Cat, they went back to the studio. Heenan said) "You know, Big Boss Man's mom used to wrestle." (pause while Monsoon looked at him) "She wrestled as Battle Sow." 

 (Bobby on Hillbilly Jim) Brain: "Now THAT'S no way to introduce a man like Hillbilly Jim!!" Monsoon: "Well, how would YOU do it, Brain??" Brain: "Ladies and Gentlemen... the HICK FROM MUD LICK, HILLBILLY JIM!!!" 

 (Bobby during Honky Tonk Man vs. Siva Afi) Monsoon: "There's probably 42 pounds of grease in his hair!" Brain: "You're right. Siva Afi DOES look like a grease ball!" 

 (Bobby on Kerry Von Erich and his Tornado Punch) Brain: "Oh my, what a GREAT scientific move! A punch to the head!" 

 (Bobby on the WWF's 1-900 number) Gorilla: "Kids, ask your parent's permission before calling." Brain: "And if they don't give you permission, just take a baseball bat, sneak up behind them, and BAM!!" 

 (Bobby on some random doctor saying the Bushwhacker's Power Walk is good for you.) Monsoon: "What do you think of THAT, Brain??" Brain: "Does the word 'quack' mean anything to you?" 

 (Bobby on the Midday show) Brain: "Hey, Lou (Albano)! Know why the Sammartino's never got divorced? No one wanted custody of David!!" 

 (Bobby on The Body Shop, Jesse's version of Piper's Pit. Studd and Bundy are wearing paper bags over their heads, right after Andre and Bill Eadie debuted under masks as The Machines) Brain: "Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen! I have brought over two new wrestlers from Japan! This is Kim Duc, and this is Pak Song. Now, let me ask you, is this the most RIDICULOUS thing you ever saw??" 

 (Bobby EVERY TIME someone mentioned the name of Sean Mooney, ex-WWF announcer) Brain: "Who??" 

 (Bobby leaving the set of Prime Time Wrestling for the Bobby Heenan Show. He points to a gorilla doll...) Brain: "Could you please hand me the Koko B. Ware doll?" 

 (Bobby on the RIP match between Undertaker and Giant Gonzalez, after the lights came back on from a UT interview) Brain: "I finally know what RIP stands for! Ross Is a Pickpocket! Gimme my wallet back!!" 

 Brain: "And the little runt... " Gorilla: "Did I hear you call Jimmy Hart a runt?" Brain: "No, I was clearing my throat HA-RUNNNNTK" 

 (KoKo-B-Ware enters the ring with this wild new hairdo; stripes running front to back dyed in parakeet colors. You can almost hear the gears start to turn in Heenan's head) Brain: "Do you know what KoKo calls his new hair style?" Gorilla: (With a groan) "No. What?" Brain: "Afro turf." 

 couple of weeks ago, after seeing Johnny B. Badd's Kiss That Don't Miss) Brain: "What a scientific move! The Greco-roman punch to the mouth!" 

 (Let's not forget his name for Tito Santana's finishing move) "The Flying Jalapeno!" 

(I do remember once when I think money inc was facing the natural disasters. Dibiase was on the outside of the ring, just near the ropes. He wasn't paying attention to the ring. Earthquake bounced against the ropes and ends up smacking Ted in the face with his rear, pretty hard. Heenan's response) "Well, you've heard of a head butt. Now we've seen a butthead!" 

 (At Havoc 94 Flair walks by Bischoff and Brain was holding up 4 fingers. Hogan walks by after Flair has entered the cage) Bischoff: "When Flair walked by he held up 4 fingers. That was the sign of the 4 Horsemen." Brain: "When Hogan walked by I held up one finger." 

 (Wrestlemania IV. Brain To Bob Ueker) "You received 7,000 votes to get into the Hall Of Fame. You'd have gotten a lot more, but you ran out of stamps." 

 (Mocking Gorilla Monsoon) "There's one to the cervical dervial part of the back." 

(In reference to Savage and Elizabeth reuniting at WM VII) "This is better than Love Story... if you like this kind of mush." 

 "Maybe her shoes are too tight." "Musta had the chili dog with onions." (In reference to the people in the crowd crying after Savage and Elizabeth reunited) 

 "He (Virgil) looks like George Foreman on Nutri-System." 

 (After Roddy, on crutches, is pushed down by Dibiase) "I've fallen and I can't get up!" 

 (At WMVIII, after Reba McEntyre finishes singing the National Anthem) Brain: "Boy, can Tito's sister belt one out!" Gorilla: "Will You Stop!" Brain: "That's Arriba McEntyre" 

 (Referring to Sherri) Brain: "That's my pin-up girl." Gorilla: "I think you should see your oculist." Brain: "There's nothing wrong with my feet." 

 (Again referring to Sherri and Shawn Michaels) Brain: "She is in love with that man." Gorilla: "Yeah, but is the feeling mutual?" Brain: "Pardon?" Gorilla: "Is the feeling mutual?" Brain: "Oh, what do you think, she's there, isn't she? He doesn't allow any bim... uh woman to be there." Gorilla: "Bimbo? Did you say bimbo?" Brain: "I didn't say that, I coughed. I said 'Buimmmh.'" 

 "I had a guy give up one time during instruction." 

 Gorilla: "There it is! El Paso Del Morte!" Brain: "What did you say that was, extra hot paste picante?" 

 (Paul Bearer) Gorilla: "Always has that eerie smell of formaldehyde." Brain: "I thought that was your cologne?" 

 Brain: "I'm Indiana's favorite Bobby." Gorilla: "You couldn't even carry Bobby Knight's towel." Brain: "Who?" 

 (During Undertaker match) Brain: "C'mon ref. 1,2,3,4,5... " Gorilla: "What are you doing?" Brain: "I'm showing ya. The referee could've broke the hold. He's intimidated by that monster." Gorilla: "Why don't you go down there and referee?" Brain: "I'm needed here." 

 Gorilla: "What would you do if you were the Hitman" (In a title match) Brain: "Well, I'd have my agent buy it for me and if that didn't work I'd take him out back and waffle him with a tire iron." 

 (Referring to locations receiving WM VIII) Brain: "30 countries?" Gorilla: "Yes indeed." Brain: "Spell em." 

 "Remember that old saying, 'What the hell, use the bell!'" 

 Brain: "Shawn Michaels has left the building." Gorilla: "Who Cares!" (OK, not really a Brain quote, but I thought it belonged here) 

 Gorilla: "I don't know who's the legal guy in the ring." Brain: "Danny Davis, the referee." 

(At SuperBrawl V, during Alex Wright vs. Paul Roma, after Roma had covered for 2 count and Wright lifted up his shoulder) Brain: "Roma's hair is so straight he looks like Don King." 

 "You know they say money can't buy happiness. Give me 50 bucks and watch me smile." 

(At SuperBrawl V, during the Blacktop Bully & Dustin Rhodes match up) Schiavone: "The Colonel is loaded, I mean he paid $75,000!" Brain: "You being an authority on loaded!!!" 

(At WM VIII, when Roddy faced Bret for the IC title...after Piper showed some professional courtesy for Bret) "You know that show of sportsmanship... the respect for each other, the enthusiasm they have... makes me sick!" 

 (1994 on WCWSN, some time after the Super Bowl) Brain: "Tell ya what Schiavone. Let's make a wager in the Super bowl for fifty bucks. I'll take the Cowboys and you take the Bills." Schiavone: "The Super bowl was two months ago." Brain: "Who won?" Schiavone: "The Cowboys." Brain: "You owe me fifty bucks." 

 Bobby: "You know, if you want to be fair to Flair, you've gotta be fair and say that's heckuva robe. Only a man as fair as Flair, would show up at Wrestlemania... " Gorilla: "WILL YOU STOP!!!!" 

 Bobby: "Did you ever say Hello to Tatanka?" Gorilla: "Yes." Bobby: "Did you do it properly?" Gorilla: "Yes." Bobby: "You said 'Hey How Are Ya, Hey How Are Ya.'" 

 "Is he (Tatanka) dancing or does he have a tack in his shoes." 

 Ross: "Back in Oklahoma, Bobby, we called a match like this a slobberknocker!" Bobby: "I thought that's what they called the waitress at the Tip Top cafe in Downtown Tulsa." 

 "He's got that Achy Breaky Back." 

 "Once that (Beefcake's mask) comes off, we're having a Hockey game. Cause we're gonna have a face off." 

 (Regarding Beefcake's face being pounded) "Boy it sounds like a trip to the hardware store. I can hear the screws move, I can hear the metal plates goin.'" 

 "He's (Beefcake) like a refrigerator. Let's hang some magnets on him and the grocery list." 

 Ross: "Hogan's giving the money away!" Bobby: "Hold my headset! I'm gonna go get some cash!" 

 "Thank goodness for next year, huh Ross. Indoor plumbing comes to Oklahoma." 

 "You know how some people can palm a basketball? This guy (Gonzales) could probably palm a Buick." 

 (Regarding Davey Boy Smith) "Million dollar body, ten cent mind and Whoopee Goldberg's hairdo." 

 Bobby: "There's gonna be a lot of trouble there in the Macho household." Gorilla: "What are you talking about?" Bobby: "Well, he's been reinstated, right? He can wrestle again." Gorilla: "Yes." Bobby: "Who's gonna do the dishes?" 

 Gorilla: "Brain, if you keep quiet, no one will know how stupid you are." Bobby: "You're kidding." 

 Bobby: "Right here in Jim Louis Arena." Gorilla: "Joe Louis!" Bobby: "Joe Louis, sorry." Gorilla: "Who's Jim Louis?" Bobby: "Who's Joe Louis?" 

 "It's four against four. Do you realize Duggan's looking across the ring and sees eight." 

 "You know why that woman's on the edge of her seat. She's got a 300 pound can behind her." 

 Gorilla: "I have trouble telling the Beverly's apart." Bobby: "Beau's the one with the blond hair." 

 Brain: "This (back of the truck) has got to smell like Dustin Rhodes' living room." 

 Brain: "There's a beautiful section of Tupelo...18 trailer homes... those are Tupelo condominiums." 

 Brain: "That's the good part of town... notice there were only 38 cars up on blocks." 

 Brain: "Dusty and Dustin's dinner plate." (trough) 

 Brain: (As crowd chanted USA) "It's a shame Tony that Tupelo, Mississippi isn't part of the U.S.A." 

 Schiavone: "Well, Duggan is at a disadvantage in this type of match." Brain: "He is at a disadvantage when he wakes up." 

 Brain: "I don't think that's Roc Finnegan, I think it's Burgess Meredith from the Rocky movies." 

 Brain: "Johnny B. Badd's hands are really quick, he used to be a pick pocket." 

 Brain: "Look at the nose on Finnegan... Mt. Rushmore." 

 Brain: "I couldn't keep a pair of glasses on with that beak." 

 Brain: "Do you realize if an avalanche hit this town, they could apply for Federal Aid and get 18 or 22 bucks?!?!" 

 Brain: "That's a shame for Sting, cause if you go to the hospital in this town with a bad leg, they shoot you." 

 Schiavione: "This is a great town." Brain: "They should tear it down and build a slum." 

 Brain: (As Bubba worked on leg) "One good thing Bubba, he (Sting) won't be able to sue you" Schiavone: "Why's that brain?" Brain: "He won't have a leg to stand on." 

 Brain: "Whip him, whip him, whip him like a dog, then kick him!" 

 (During Survivor Series) "And tomorrow, I'm having a bunch of guests over to my home in Beverly Hills, turkey for everyone, only 8 bucks a head at the door." 

"I haven't seen that many punches thrown since Zsa Zsa Gabor drove through Beverly Hills" 

(His famous quote whenever someone grabbed I.R.S. by the tie) "He's got him by his tongue!" 

 "He's (Vader) gonna hit him (Hogan) so hard in the head, he's gonna grow hair." 

 (To Piper) "I heard a rumor that your mom and dad ran away from home." 

(In reference to Stu and Helen Hart in attendance) "You know why they're nervous? They snuck in. They're looking out for the usher." 

 (During IC title match) Brain: "Don't touch that referee Perfect!" Gorilla: "Why? A disqualification will save his title." Brain: "O.K. Then nail him!" 

 "If I was managing the Bushwhackers, I'd commit suicide." 

 (During Jailhouse Match at Summerslam 91) Brain: "I'm going to get the Bossman a pack of cigarettes." Gorilla: "He doesn't even smoke." Brain: "No, but he's gonna need 'em to bribe the screws." 

 "He (Piper) used to get his lunch wrapped in a roadmap." 

 (During the Savage-Elizabeth wedding) "Why do they always call the second guy the best man?" "The ring bearer's really a midget." 

 (During I.R.S./Kid match) "This is a first. This is the first time the Kid's been up past 8:00." 

 "He (I.R.S.) hit him (The Kid) so hard, he knocked 3 zits off his face." 

 (After interview with Hank Carter, driver of the Lex Express bus) Brain: "The thing that amazes me is how did Lex Luger talk the former President into driving the bus." McMahon: "The former president?" Brain: "Isn't that Jimmy Carter?" McMahon: "Hank Carter." Brain: "They sound the same. I think Rosalyne was the stewardess on the bus." 

 (After tights got pulled to expose the rear end) "Well, it's almost 10:00, we should've seen the moon by now anyhow." 

 (After one of the large Raw girls tried to kiss Razor Ramon) "Would you let a Winnebago kiss you?" 

 (After a man proposes to his girlfriend on MNR) "You'll probably be hungry an hour later." 

 (During battle royal) Brain: "I'd have to go with the Quebecers." McMahon: "I thought you said you were going to pick (Bastion) Booger." Brain: "I was, but I wasn't talking about this." 

 (At WM8, when he's talking to Gorilla, he's getting angry off at Monsoon and wants to leave) "I'm out of here, do you want a Diet Coke or something?" 

 (On MNR. Bobby had just slammed one of the faces) Vince: "PLEASE Heenan!!" Bobby: " 'Please Heenan.' Man, how many times haven't I heard that THAT in a day." Vince: (silence) Bobby: "In fact, the RAW girl said that to me just last night... " Vince: "Oh for crying out loud Bobby Heenan, STOP IT!" 

 (During a Challenge Match, Headshrinkers vs. Virgil and Red Tyler) Bobby: "Afa has prettier hair than McGuirk." (Female ring announcer) 

 Ross: "Virgil almost beheaded at the feet of the Headshrinkers." Bobby: "Well, it's not a big loss." 

 Ross: "Virgil is unconscious." Bobby: "When Virgil's unconscious he's usually on his feet talking to you." 

 Bobby: (Virgil is still out, he spent over half this match in the same position) "Virgil's colder than a mother in law's kiss." 

 Bobby: "Is Virgil hurt or is he goldbricking?" 

 (From "Grumbles, Gripes and Grunts" video. Shawn Michaels pokes Duggan in the eye) Bobby: "That's a difficult move, he's only got a 50% chance of getting the good eye." 

 (Undertaker does his tightrope walk) Jim Ross: "Look at that balance!" Bobby: "I walked all four corners once." 

 (During a Raw match between Shawn and Kamala) Bobby: "You like Kamala, don't you... " Savage: "Yes I do." Bobby: "Would you let him do your taxes?" Savage: "I'd rather have Kamala do them, than IRS." Bobby: "He saved me a packet last year. I paid 78 bucks, cash!" Vince: "78 dollars?!?... With what you earn?" Bobby: "I barely make it by. I'm supporting an orphanage in Fuji don't you know?!!" 

 (After Tom Zenk left Rick Martel as the Can-Am Connection) Brain: "Well, I guess Martel's just the CAN now!" 

 (Gorilla and Brain are arguing over Brain's neck injury. There is a X-ray on the board) Brain: "Of course I'm hurt!" (Points to the X-ray in the neck area) "Look, right here in the femur... " 

 (During a Razor Ramon-heel vs. Gus Kantarakis match. Ramon is slapping the jobber) Brain: "HE's having fun. What did you do for fun when you were a kid, collect stamps?" Vince: "What's wrong with stamp collecting?" Brain: "Nothing. Know what you do, you find out somebody that has stamps, make friends with them, then when they aren't looking, steal them and sell them. Great fun." 

 (Oct. 93) "Hey, McMahon. Good news for you. I know where you can pick up some San Francisco Giants championship hats real cheap." 

 (Referring to Jim Neidhart) "The man is nuts! He's got papers to prove it!" 

 (His famous one when the heel cheats) "What happened there? My monitor went out." 

 (Referring to the Bushwhackers and Jamison) "The state of New York could have them legally condemned." 

 Brain: "Is the governor going to be here? Governor Cuomo?" Gorilla: "I don't know." Brain: "I want to introduce you to his brother, Perry." 

 (Referring to the Road Warriors) "That's a nice haircut if you're going to the chair." 

 (During the Rockers incident on the Barber Shop) (As the were shaking hands) "See, one without the other isn't any good." (After the super kick) "Oh, I knew he was going to do that. I just knew he was going to do that. He don't need Jannetty." 

 (Referring to Tunney) "He's been the best president since Noriega." 

 (After the Hogan was attacked with steel pipe) "Why Me! Why Me!" (a la Nancy Kerrigan) 

 "Every time I go to that town (Las Vegas) there's a sign up: 'Old Blue Eyes Is Back'. They do that for me." 

 "How would you like to be his (Vader) neighbor and return the lawnmower late?" 

 (During a Koko B Ware match) Gorilla: "Frankie might be giving out a little verbal information." Brain: "Frankie just did give a little something out. I think it's right there by your shoe, Alfred." 

 (During Sherri/Rockin Robin match) "Looks like two ladies at Bloomingdale's fighting over a scarf." 

 (During same match after Brain bets Gorilla dinner, winner picks the place) "Come on Sherri! I've got a double whopper riding on this!" 

"This (Paris, France) wouldn't be a bad place, but it's full of Frenchmen." 

"The Haiti Kid set a record. He's the only human being that could do 250 sit-ups underneath a Chevy." 

 "You should never hit him (JYD) in the head. It's amazing how Mother Nature protects the weakest part of the body with the strongest." 

 (After Jimmy Hart nails Haiti Kid with branding iron) "Midget shish kabob, my favorite!" 

 "Dusty Rhodes and Sapphire. They're a lovely twosome, or threesome, or foursome, or twenty-fifth some" 

 (During intro) Gorilla: "Hello everyone! And welcome once again to WWF Cavalcade! I'm Gorilla Monsoon along with... " (bops Brain with mike by accident) Brain: "OWW!" Gorilla: "What have you got your head down there for?" Brain: "I'm looking at that thing." Gorilla: "My Hulk Hogan... Hulk Rules (wrist) band. Everybody's got 'em. Where's yours?" Brain: "I don't have one." Gorilla: "You don't have one?" Brain: "I have a bruise." (Probably funnier when seen instead of read) 

(In 1991, at Funeral Parlor, where the Piper-Flair feud started) Brain: "Well that's your opinion... but your opinion means NOTHING to the REAL world champion Ric Flair... " Piper: "Lemme tell ya something about Ric Flair... I SCARE FLAIR!" Brain: "Oh, YOU scare Flair? Lemme tell ya somethin'... if Ric Flair was out here right now, he'd have you done on your hands and knees in your little skir - uh, kilt and he'd have you SHINING the belt of the real world champion!" 

 (Heenan was talking in his usual manner - of course, he was a manager at the time - and saying something that wasn't exactly "morally correct... ") Monsoon: "How do you sleep at night?" Brain: "Oh, on my side, usually... " 

(On WCW Saturday Night 4/16, Brain was talking about the up US Champ tournament match up, he said something to the effect of) "The big guy doesn't always win, the smart guy doesn't always win, but the big smart guy sometimes beats the small smart guy and sometimes the small quick guy beats the big slow guy and sometimes the quick dumb guy beats the slow smart guy..." 

 (During Challenge, when they showed a boy and a woman on the screen) "Lookit! It's the kid from Deliverance and his mom!" 

 (When that showed a fat woman doing the Bushwhacker arm-swing) "There's Mr. & Mrs. Bushwhacker." 

 (When Helen Hart was distraught at Owen's behavior at the 93 SS) "Oh, no! They're gonna repossess my teeth!" 

 (In reference to Hillbilly Jim) "For crying out loud, McMahon, you're talking to a guy who thinks the bathroom should be outside 50 feet in back of the house!" 

 Bobby: "I once knew a couple of Siamese twins." Hillbilly Jim: "Really? They were born, uh... together like that." Bobby: "UUUUHHHH, no, a couple weekends ago they had a soldering gun and nothing better to do. DDUUUUUUHHHH YEAH, they were BORN like that!" 

(At R Rumble '93) "There's nothing worse than a fresh Undertaker." "The last time I saw Tugboat, or uh, Typhoon, or uh, Buffoon... " "Bonsai!, Macho Man." 

 (At WM VIII) Heenan: "Death never takes a holiday" Gorilla: "Blah, Blah, Blah." Heenan: "These things just come to be. Sometimes I feel like I have Two brilliant minds." 

 (Steiner's debut on challenge. Rick Steiner does this move where he catches a guy jumping at him and power slams him) Brain: "Whoa! You know, I can flash back to when I used to use that move!" 

 (Heenan on Mike Tennay's "Wrestling Insiders") "Well, you know, it's like that guy who just called. On his wedding night, he folded himself over the chair and put his pants to bed!" 

 (On WCWSN, when Ray Traylor was known as The Boss. Bobby always called him a stupid hick) "He ought to be popping' up out of cornfields, telling' jokes!" 

 (When Tony Atlas was wrestling in the WWF as a face as Saba Simba) Brain: "Gorilla, do you know what Saba Simba means?" Gorilla: "Yes, it means 7 Lions." Brain: "No, it means Room Service." 

 (During a Advice to the Lovelorn segment on TNT) Brain: "You've heard of "Evening In Paris?" McMahon: "Evening In Paris?" Brain: "The cologne. She's probably wearing like... "An Afternoon In The Bronx". 

 (During same segment to another writer complaining about her husband's 6 inch scar on his head) "Well, let's put it this way to the poor old soul. The way she writes and the way she talks and the way she talks about her husband, she should probably be thankful that he has 6 inches of anything." 

 (In reference to Jimmy Hart's clothes during manager's bidding for Randy Savage on TNT. To Savage) "Do you want to go shopping in Beverly Hills or do you want to go to K-Mart for the blue light special?" 

 (During same bidding. To Hart) "They named a bird call after you. It's called 'cheap.'" 

 (During Von Erich/Warlord match) Brain:" Warlord's a lot bigger." Gorilla: "Tornado's a lot quicker, Brain." Brain: "Warlord's a lot stronger." Gorilla: "Tornado's a lot smarter, Brain." Brain: "Now you've lied to the people." 

 "That was Tornado's forte in college. He was a javelin catcher." 

 (During Roma/Animal match) Gorilla: Well, he's (Animal) got to keep his eye on Romeo, he's got to keep his eye on Herc, and he's got to keep his eye on you too, Brain. He knows what you're all about." Brain: "Then he needs Duggan, a guy with four eyes." 

 (During Golf instructions with Gene Okerlund) Okerlund: "It's very important, first of all, to address the ball." Brain: "Hello, ball!" 

 "'Parts Unknown,' it usually means Downtown Newark." 

 (Referring to Ricky Steamboat when Gorilla asks why he isn't managing him) "Yeah, but if the guy burps the wrong way, there go your eyebrows." 

 Brain: "How much does he pay you to sing the praises of him all the time?" Gorilla:" Who, the Hitman?" Brain: "Yes." Gorilla: "Do you know how long he's been in the World Wrestling Federation?" Brain: "Too long." Gorilla: "He'll be here when you're gone, Brain." Brain: "What'd you hear?" 

 Anvil: "That Dragon's got a lot of heart." Brain: "Yeah, heartburn." 

 "The guy (Monsoon) wears glasses. He takes his glasses off and lays them outside, he starts a forest fire." 

 (Referring to the shrunken head around Afa's neck) Brain: "You know what that is?" Ross: "I have no idea." Brain: "Well, let's put it this way. There used to be four Headshrinkers." 

 Brain: "Did you ever have a thumb jammed in your eye?" Ross: "No, and I don't care to experience it." Brain: "Turn around here, I'll show you." Ross: "No, thanks." Brain: "I don't mind." Ross: "Well, let me thumb you." Brain: "I'd mind that." 

 Brain: "You know, I could make a lot of money with Typhoon." Ross: "How would you do that?" Brain: "Well, I wouldn't have him wrestle. I'd take him to shopping centers and let kids ride him for a couple of bucks." 

 Heenan: "I didn't know Bret Hart's mother is Joan Rivers?" Monsoon: "Will you stop!" 

 (At WM VIII, to Gorilla, paraphrased) "I heard you referred to Sid Justice in a paper the other day as 'Psycho Sid.'" 

 "If they (Bushwhackers) were twins, Luke is so dumb, he wouldn't know when his brother's birthday was." 

 "They're (Bushwhackers) living proof that the 3 stooges had children." 

 "She's (Sapphire) good to have at picnics. Keeps the flies off the food." 

 "You know why the Kid's not doing well? Look at the time. It's a half hour past his bedtime." 

 "It's very easy to beat the 1-2-3 Kid. You put a glass of milk down and a couple of Oreo cookies. When he goes for 'em, put the boots to him." 

 Brain: "How many kids does Helen Hart have?" McMahon: "I believe 12, Mr. Heenan." Brain: "Oh, one of each." 

 "I asked Stu Hart earlier, I said 'Stu, you gotta be proud of your boys.' He said 'I have boys?'" 

 "Wouldn't you classify that 20 members of the Hart family living together is classified as a ghetto." 

 "Stu just yelled over to Helen 'Helen, I'm Damp!'" 

 Brain: "I hope the director doesn't show the Hart family anymore." McMahon: "Why?" Brain: "Oh, the phone will be ringing off the hook over at 'America's Most Wanted.'" 

 (Referring to the Boston Bruins jacket Stu is wearing) "Oh, there's a picture of Helen on the back of his jacket." 

 (Referring to a beating someone is taking) "It could be worse McMahon. It could be me." 

 "You know, the Undertaker's gonna start a new basketball team. That's for guys six feet and under." 

 "I know all about cheating. I've had six very successful marriages." 

 "With Duggan, taking a shower is a high risk maneuver." 

 Brain: "You know, if you kiss a woman's hand here in Nashville, it's the same as kissing their foot." Schiavone: "Why do you say that?" Brain: "Same size, same aroma." 

 "There's only two kinds of music I don't like... Country and Western." 

"Giving the Nasty Boys the Tag Team of the year award is like giving the Cindy Crawford beauty award to Roseanne Barr." 

 (As Sherri comes down the aisle with Harlem Heat) "Boy Schiavone, look at the size of those... guys." (You figure it out) 

Brain: "You know what they call a woman with 2 million dollars?" Schiavone: "What?" Brain: "Divorced." 

 "I'll tell ya. If I didn't have 11 girlfriends, Sherri'd be number one." 

(Heenan on WCWSN, during a match up between Meng and jobber Ken Brewer) "Well Mr. Brewer is like the Milwaukee Brewers, neither of em' are going anyplace this year!" 

(Bobby Heenan, on WCW Saturday Night - 4/30/95) "This is the most backward, upside-down organization I've ever seen!" 

Brain: "You know who won Miss Buck snort last year?" Tony: "Who?" Brain: "A bloodhound." 

Brain: "Do you know what Tatanka means?" Vince: "I'm not sure." Brain: "It means "Squaw with red hair"." 

Brain: "Who was that with Sting?" Tony: "Mike Tenay." Brain: "Are you sure that's not Wink Martindale?" 

"I smell a title change...Or is that you?" 

Brain: "I figured out who the Patriot is." Tony: "Who?" Brain: "Where is he from?" Tony: "Washington D.C." Brain: "It's Al Gore." 

"You're a fun guy (Tony Schiavone). First you go to Tiger Stadium when there's no baseball. Then you go to the car factory on a Saturday when there's people laid off. Maybe tomorrow we can go to the park and watch grass grow." 

Brain: "Whack yourself between the eyes 10 times and see how you feel." Tony: "Well, I'm not Terry Funk. That's different." Brain: "Well, if you don't mind, I'll do it for you." 

"Does he (Antonio Inoki) have an entourage with him. I saw three rickshaws parked out back." 

 "The money's the same, whether you earn it or scam it." 

Tony: "Bunkhouse Buck would like a punch like that. So would Johnny B. Badd." Brain: "So would your mother-in-law." 

"I don't know why he's (Ricky Steamboat) whining. He's got two of 'em." (eyes) 

Tony: "I think the fans are pretty much divided as to who their favorite "is. Brain: Yes. One half loves Flair, the other half hates Steamboat." 

(After Cactus Jack crashes into ringside railing) "You'd better get somebody down here. That rail could be damaged." 

(Referring to Guardian Angel's hair) "That's a nice haircut, if you're going to the chair." 

(In Paris) "Just like Glens Falls for Jim Duggan. They don't speak English there either." 

(After biting Yokozuna) "Duggan'll probably be hungry in an hour." 

(Referring to "Arrogance") "I put a little behind my ear the other day. I got on a flight on American Airlines. The flight attendants were all over me. The next flight was even better. They had lady stewardesses." 

"Do you know what 'Arriba' means? It means 'Swim faster, the border guards are behind us.'" 

(On Big Boss Man after he took a beating from Nailz) "He's got more hits than Elvis." 

"The other day Dave Sullivan was walking through the airport and saw a "Wet Floor" sign, so he DID" 

(The Brain had a beaut on Raw a long time back. While Mr. Hughes was trashing a wreath of black roses sent by the Undertaker, Heenan said) "I heard Bill Clinton likes fresh flowers on his desk every morning. Get it? Flowers on his desk?") 

(7/89. Hillbilly Jim is making his way towards the ring for a match on Challenge. Talking to Heenan about Jake Roberts' neck injury) Schiavone: "You really think, Mr. Heenan, that a broken neck is something to laugh about?" Brain: "No, I think it's something to be HYSTERICAL about!" (Seconds later) Schiavone: "Sandy Beach has the chance to go up against the very happy Hillbilly Jim" Brain: "You'd be happy too if you had an IQ of 3" 

(Referring to Hillbilly Jim) Gorilla: "He's got his lucky horseshoe." Brain: "Horse what?" Schiavone: "Shoe." Gorilla: "Shoe, Shoe!...Why don't you shoo! 

(Monsoon and Heenan are announcing a match. The heel wins with some illegal move.) Monsoon: "Now, that is illegal, Brain!", Heenan: "Yup, that's illegal." (Pauses) "I don't care!" 

Schiavone: "This Monday, were going to Lancaster, Ca." Heenan: "The town they named after Burt. Hey, we should get him on the show." Schiavone: "Brain, Burt... Howard Cosell...they're both dead." Heenan: "Burt's dead? I was talking about Burt Lancaster the actor. Is there another one?" 

(I suppose this would qualify, but every other time Schiavone mentions "TBS" Bobby calls it "The Brain Station") 

"She (Sherri) makes Lizzy Borden look like Mother Theresa." 

"I should give Bill Apter an award. He survived 6 autopsies." 

(Referring to the Hogan Fans that have H-O-G-A-N spelled out on their chests) "Worst case of anorexia I've ever seen." 

(Referring to the concession stand that was destroyed by Nasties, Cactus & Maxx Payne) "Looks like Tonya Harding's dressing area." 

"I'm a legend in this sport. If you don't believe me, ask me." 

(During Clash where Hogan was attacked by masked man) Schiavone: "We do understand that Henry Holmes, the attorney for Hulk Hogan..." Brain: "Sherlock's brother?" 

(When Sherri handcuffed Mr. T during Hogan/Flair retirement match) "That's not the first time she's slapped a pair of cuffs on a guy." 

(Referring to the whereabouts of JJ Dillon) "I heard he's a skycap at the airport in Saginaw." 

(After Steve Austin is knocked out by Johnny B Badd) "He's colder than a mother-in-law's kiss." 

Brain: "Can you see Sherri sipping tea with the Queen?" Schiavone: "No." Brain: "I can. Can you see her and Lady Di going to Harrod's on a shopping spree?" Schiavone: "No." Brain: "Can you see her and Prince Charles about two in the morning...Ah never mind." Schiavone: "Yes, I can see that." Brain: "If you do, call me. I'd like to see it, too." 

"The only reason she'd (Roseanne) call him (Dusty Rhodes) is to borrow his jeans." 

(Referring to the "We Want Blood" chant at Slamboree 94 in Philadelphia) "The waitress said that to me this morning when she brought me my omelet." 

(Referring to the Steiner Brothers) "Three toughest years of their life... the eighth grade" 

(To Jim Ross) "Are there any swamps in Oklahoma? Yes, there is. It's called Tulsa." 

(During Beverly Bros/Little Louie vs. Bushwhackers/Tiger Jackson match) Brain: "See what happens when you stop working out." McMahon: "What do you mean?" Brain: "Isn't that Hillbilly Jim?" (Referring to Little Louie) 

(During Prime Time Wrestling, Perfect was making fun of Vince's clothes) Brain: "Don't make fun of him. That suit's coming back in half an hour." 

"Hawaii's the 50th state? I thought it was a suburb of Guam." 

(After being asked about Mama Shango) "He's got a lot more hair than she does." 

"His (Papa Shango) fingernails are black. How can you hit yourself with a hammer in ten fingers." 

"If you play Country and Western music backwards, you get your car back, you get your wife back, you get your house back... " 

(Referring to Tony Atlas aka Saba Simba) "He looks like the south end of a northbound turkey." 

(on the WWF being family entertainment) "You can even bring the dog. That's so McGuirk has something to do during intermissions." 

Vince: "All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner." Heenan: "You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a sit-up." 

"Know who Alex Wright's mother is? Schultz from Hogan's Heroes." 

(After a Headshrinker double face smash) "I did that my cousin once, now she won't talk to me." 

(On the Nasty Boys being on the cover of WCW magazine) "And when you line the birdcage with it, turn it upside down so you don't scare Tweety." 

(On Hillbilly Jim's horseshoe) "If your granddaddy loved you why did he only give you one horseshoe. Who'd he give the others to?" 

(On Junkyard Dog) "His parents had nine months and the best they could come up with is Junkyard?!" 

Mooney: "You can get some great food in Tocula, Mexico." Heenan: "They don't make enough Rolaids to get you out of Tocula healthy." 

"If you want to talk legal, drive 35 miles per hour." 

(On the Rockers break-up) Gorilla: "I don't think anyone could know each other better than these two individuals know each other. Former tag team partners. Almost as close as brothers, Brain." Heenan: "Almost as close as you and I, huh Monsoon." 

"See, what I would do right here now is throw him out and I'd piledrive him on the steps. That way you crack his head open and you break both shoulders at the same time. Good amateur move." 

Heenan: "Skinner will take your ear off and hand it to you." Savage: "But the only thing is that doesn't win you the title." Heenan: "No, it doesn't." Savage: "You gotta pin him, or make him submit." Heenan: "It'll keep you from answering the phone a lot, though." 

Heenan: "You know, you can't take Skinner fishing with you." Savage: "Why's that?" Heenan: "He eats the bait." 

Savage: "I want everybody to give him (Virgil) credit right there." Heenan: "Give me cash." 

Savage: "It's not over till it's over." Heenan: "You know who said that?" Savage: "Who?" Heenan: "Yogi the Bear." 

(On Shawn wasting time pinning Virgil) "If you're gonna walk around, fine. But have your feet on his face when you do it." 

Jim Ross: "Have you ever thought about being a politician?" Heenan: "Nah, I don't want to take a pay cut." 

(On Bret's sunglasses gift to fans at ringside) Heenan: "See, if the father is smart, he should tell her "I'll keep it for you'. Then, at Christmas, give it to her. She'll think it came from her dad. It works all the time." Savage: "Yeah, Christmas in your family must be real, real special." Heenan: "It is. You should see what they get me." 

(After a loss to the Hitman) "Boy, was Martel jobbed on this one." 

(On Papa Shango) "You better stay friends with this guy or you could wind up an otter on Milwaukee." 

Jim Ross: "Perfect's had some problems with his back." Heenan: "Yeah, It's yellow." 

(On the multiple Doinks) "Doink is like Jell-O. There's always room for more." 

"He's (Martel) ahead on points. It's 138000 to 4, as far as I'm concerned." 

Macho Man: "Do you want to take a polygraph after the Hitman got knocked out?" (By Luger's loaded forearm) Brain: "I Don't have false teeth, I don't need Polygrip!" 

(From Nitro) Bischoff to McMichael: "Did you ever play (football) while unconscious?" Brain: "His whole career!" 

Heenan: "Repo even repo'ed the Lone Ranger's mask. He owed Tonto 20 bucks." 

Vince: "The red in his (Tatanka's) hair signifies the blood of all the Indian nations." Heenan: "For another twenty bucks he could have got the whole head painted red." 

(Bushwhackers schoolboy Lombardi & Horowitz) Gorilla: "That's communication!" Heenan: "How could you communicate when you have the I.Q. of a doorknob?" 

(On a bagpipe band) "Grown men in skirts playing vacuum cleaners." 

(As Matador comes to ringside with hat) "Is that a Chihuahua in his hand?" 

Heenan: "This is the most dangerous time of the year for Indians." Vince: "Why would you say that?" Heenan: "Would you wear feathers around Thanksgiving?" 

(During jailhouse match) "I wonder if they'll give him (Bossman) an iron cup to bang on the cage?" 

"I always hate when Tatanka starts dancing. It always starts to rain." 

(On Billy Gunn's rodeo scholarship) "What'd he major in? Roping?" 

(On Luger padding his forearm at KOTR'93) "Fine. Then let's tie Tatanka's shoes together so he can't dance." 

Tony: "Where's Terry Funk? When he was introduced Verne Gagne came out." Bobby: "That was Terry, he just hadn't been to the hair club for men yet." 

Bobby: "Meng has feet like Bob Lanier." Tony: "Nobody has feet like Bob Lanier." Bobby: "Some girls here in Tupelo do." 

(On Flair in drag) "He's the prettiest girl in town." 

"The prom queen last year was named Bubba." 

(As Dustin Rhodes staggers in the truck) "I've seen Dusty walk like that." 

(SIGN SHOWN IN FRANCE "YOKOZUNA DID A BIG MISTAKE") "I guess the English teacher was off this week." 

(During a match from Spain, the camera crew shows a crowd shot for 30 seconds, Heenan starts bitching about the camera work) Savage: "He's right, if the titles changed hands, what type of replay would we have?" Heenan: "None, we'd have the Ramon and Lopez family eating rice and beans." 

"What would you do with rope? Give it to Luke of the Bushwhackers for dental floss?" 

(On Paul Bearer) "His father was a mortician and his mother was a raccoon." 

(Talk made about the number of children Helen Hart had) Brain: "Yeah, and she just gave birth to 5 of them right now." Vince: "I remind you the Hart family is behind us." Brain: "So that's the smell." 

(This occurred some time after Ric Flair broke Angelo Poffo's - Macho Man's dad's leg.) "Do you think the 'Snap Into It' jacket is referring to Savage's dad?" 

(During the Savage/Avalanche match after Savage was squashed during an attempted sunset flip) "I heard the air go out of Savage... both ends." 

Kevin Sullivan: "YES!" Zodiac: "NO!" Sullivan: "YES!" Zodiac: "NO!" HEENAN: "Sounds like your first date, huh Schiavone?" 

(At the Rumble 92) "He (Flair) tried to lift the Undertaker." (When Flair gave the 'Taker a low blow) 

(During Survivor Series 92, after the Undertaker is introduced the camera pans to about six fans in a row all dressed like the Undertaker) Heenan: "What is THAT?" McMahon: "Looks like a convention of Undertakers in town... " Heenan: "It's the women in Cleveland, they all look like Paul Bearer." 

Brain: "Duggan's an idiot." Tony: "Duggan's an idiot?!?" Brain: "So, you agree with me." 

(Summer Slam 1991 Match Made In Heaven) "I can't wait till Elizabeth comes out. I want to see what cheap blue light special dress she's wearing." 

(Here's one he said on WCWSN when a jobber was thrown outside the ring by Jean-Paul Leveque) "Hey, when you hit the floor, keep it down. I'm talking." 

(Here's some great ones from Survivor Series '93 - the Brain's last WWF PPV) Bobby: "Excuse me one minute. (yelling) Hey Stu (Hart), wake up! He fell asleep." Vince: "He's gonna wake up. He's gonna come over here, Bobby." Bobby: "That'll take two hours. We'll be off the air." 

"Fuji, my hat goes off to you, if I had a hat." 

(Talking about 'Family Feud' host Ray Combs) "Boy, he's a lot bigger than I thought. I thought he was around 4'8". He's got to be close to 4'9"." 

"He's (Stu Hart) the kind of guy who would look for a corner in a round room." 

(During a match with Adam Bomb, after the nuclear bomb explosion was shown on the video wall, Bobby said) "Is that the Adam Bomb exploding or is Vince Coleman driving by?" 

(Here's a great conversation between the Brain and Gorilla at WrestleMania VII. Bobby had trouble pronouncing the first name of the Japanese wrestler opposing Demolition) Gorilla: "You'd have trouble if his name was Fred." Bobby: "His name's Fred Kitao? That's a silly name for a Japanese wrestler." 

(At WrestleMania IX, Bobby explained where Bob Backlund was during his WWF absence) "He was a paper boy in Mayberry. Used to sweep the floors for Floyd. 'Right Paw?'" 

(I remember Bobby "The Brain" Heenan referred to S.D. Jones with one of his classics. About Jones' ring attire) "Well it's obvious some hotel is missing a shower curtain right now." 

(Quote in WCW mag) "I saw Dusty Rhodes panning for gold the other day in downtown New York. What a strange person he is. In fact his whole family is rather bizarre." 

(At Summerslam 91 about the time that Ric Flair entered the WWF. Bobby left his broadcast position to take care of some business. We then see Bobby outside Hogan's dressing room) Brain: "I'm here outside the dressing room of the WWF champion Hulk Hogan and I'm going to embarrass him and show you what kind of a man he really is. (knock knock knock) Hogan! Open the door I'm a busy man. Wait till you see this. (The door opens). Hm... Hm... On behalf of the 'Real World's Champion,' Ric Flair, I would like to challenge you, Hogan, any time any pla... (the door is slammed in his face). Who does he think he is? Turn that camera off!" 

"It'll take a good man to beat Tito Santana... it just won't take him very long." 

Heenan: "Hey Vince, you know what Virgil did after winning the Million Dollar belt?" Vince: "Celebrated I believe." Heenan: "Yeah, he went and got it bronzed." 

"This kid came up to me crying and I said what's wrong? He said 'I don't wanna go home because my mom beats me.' So I said go live with your dad. He said 'my dad beats me too.' So I said who do you want to live with? And he says 'I wanna live with Strike Force because they don't beat anybody!'" 

(On an episode of Wrestling Challenge) Heenan: "Gorilla, what's with you naming all the body parts?" Gorilla: "I happen to have a knowledge about it. Why don't you try it?" (Heenan does. Skinner kicks a jobber in the stomach) Heenan: "There's a kick to the uterus." 

(Another one on the Rosetti sisters) "They've got more chins than the Hong Kong phone book." 

(On Nitro when Benoit powerbombed Guerrero) McMichaels: "That'll change the color of your hair." Brain: "That'll change the color of your shorts." 

(On Primetime Wrestling) "'Texas Tornado,' sounds like something you clean your bowl out of." 

(Regarding Mr. Wonderful's new music) "You know, this is the same music, ladies and gentlemen that they played at Schiavone's third wedding." 

(On Sgt. Slaughter) "Was that the top of his head, or a weather map?" 

"Last year Luna won miss Ontario. Nobody usually wins that." 

Savage: "Is she (Luna) from Oklahoma?" Heenan: "No, she's pretty." 

Ross: "This is Wrestlemania at Caesar's... " Heenan: "This isn't the cattle barn in your backyard." 

(On Rockin' Robin) "She runs to the ring like the Ultimate Warrior. She must be the Ultimate bimbo!" 

Monsoon: "Why don't they have men carrying the cards?" Heenan: "How do we know it isn't?" 

Gorilla: "Robin's wearing the western style wrestling boots." Heenan: "I thought she smelled like a rodeo." 

"I'd love to be popular in Barcelona. That sounds like a fun job." 

(From Italy) "When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, you'll probably be blinded." 

Savage: "And where would Rick Steiner be?" Heenan: "Probably on Page 3 of a comic book. He'll be there for a while." 

(On the Genius' Beefcake-done hairdo) "He looks the 18th Green at Pebble Beach." 

"They've taken Suzanne Somers' picture off the Thigh master and put Yokozuna's on it." 

"We'll see some Greco-roman knuckle sandwiches in this match." 

"Know what I like about the Nastys? They're better looking than McGuirk." 

Randy: "I'm the two-time WWF champ." Heenan: "I'm the two time depositor of the year at the Beverly Hills bank." 

"The last time I saw Typhoon move like that is when one of those humanoids opened a package of Little Debbie's snack cakes." 

(On Invasion of the Bodyslammers tape, Kamala is learning to bowl, and for a Doink/Kamala match - classic, eh? - Doink comes out with a gift) "It's a Brunswick ball. With five finger holes." 

(Papa Shango fires his skull that shoots sparks at Undertaker) Ross: "What was that explosion?" Bobby: "The backfire on a '72 Pinto. Ross, it looks like your pick-up truck backing out of the Dew-Drop Inn." 

(Repo vs. Tatanka) "He's gonna Repo either a teepee or a blanket." 

"I thought the red hair signified he was a grand Marshall in the Lucille Ball parade." 

Mooney: "I know you don't like Koko, but I saw you tapping your feet when he came out here." Heenan: "Yeah! Look what the bird did. These are $1200 shoes." 

"Frankie doesn't know if he'll be at home with Koko or in a can of Tabasco sauce with Tito." 

(To Piper) "You'd have a good voice, if it ever came out of your throat." 

(After Virgil wins Million Dollar belt) "The next time you see that belt, it will be hanging from the mirror of a 1976 Cadillac." 

"I hope Virgil doesn't do anything stupid with it (Million $ belt), like put a down payment on a boom box or something." 

Heenan: "Who do you like?" Ross: "I don't know." Heenan: "Of course not, you're from Oklahoma." 

(On Tatanka) "He thinks 15 minutes is 1/3 of a moon." 

(During Chicago street fight match) "This looks like a party at your house, Tony." 

"If the Cubs hit like that, they'd be in first place." 

(Remember his name for Bastion Booger's finishing move) "Time for a trip to the bat cave." 

(On how to tell Luke and Butch, in Doinkface, apart) "Well, one has 3 teeth and the other has 4." 

(On Oscar in Doinkface) "That's the best Oscar has ever looked." 

Vince: "If Tunney were here, he could make a ruling." Bobby: "If Tunney were here, he'd have his hand out for 10 bucks." 

(As Papa Shango comes out) "I haven't seen eyes smoke on a skull like that since you ordered those extra-hot wings." 

Ross: "I used to wear bib overalls back in grade school." Brain: "Toughest 18 years of your life, huh?" 

(On Rick's headgear) "Did he wear those to class?" 

(On Tiger Jackson) "It's a worm with eyes!" 

"I'd love to see a midget battle royal, throw your man over the bottom rope." 

Ross: "Is that Typhoon." Brain: "Either that, or the Number 1 customer at Mike's donuts." 

(after Duggan head butt) "That's the first time he used his head in his whole life." 

"Have you ever been to Glens Falls? The city limits signs are on the same post." 

Brain: "That kid has 8 bucks with him, that could buy 18 acres in Oklahoma." Ross: "Land isn't that cheap, but you can get a good deal down there." Brain: "I wouldn't want a good deal down there." 

"If your last name was Finkel would you name your kid Howard?" 

"We don't want his Million dollar trunks coming down and seeing his million dollar trunks." 

(On Bret Hart) "He's the 13th of 12 children" 

Gorilla: "Dibiase tripped Santana!" Bobby: "Actually, he tripped over a tortilla." 

Gorilla: "Million Dollar Man just went bust." Bobby: "You talking about Sherri?" 

(Lance Cassidy is wrestling Barry Hardy, evil Doink is at ringside) Gorilla: "Where's that clown?" Heenan: "In the ring, with the guns on his trunks." Gorilla: "I meant the clown." Heenan: "That's what I meant." 

"Hulkamania is going to die here tonight in Texas. And what a horrible place to be buried" 

"Savage would be a lot better off if he stayed single. In fact, so would a lot of other guys be better off." 

(On Skinner's gator paw) Brain: "That's the left parthesis of an alligator." Monsoon: "Will you be serious?" Brain: "Ok, It's the right one. You happy now?" Monsoon: "It looks like something the cat dragged in." Brain: "And was too afraid to take back out." 

(Tatanka is wrestling Bret Tyler, Tyler chops Tonto, who no-sells) "You made Tonto mad now. He start dancing." 

"Alex Wright isn't 19 and from Germany, he's 46 and he's from Newark." 

 (On Nitro during the Benoit/Guererro match) "These men have more moves than Ex-Lax." (OK, it's old but still funny) 

(During Bubba/Duggan match when Duggan bit Bubba on the nose) "Oh, the old Greco-Roman bicuspid to the beak!" 

(During Cobra squash) Schiavone: "You're taking a look at a man who has a CIA background. Cobra has become from a special ops agent into a fine, polished pro wrestler." Heenan: "No, not CIA, CTA." Schiavone: "CTA?" Heenan: "Yeah, Chicago Transit Authority. He used to drive a bus." 

(During same squash) Heenan: "So he used to be a CIA guy, huh?" Schivone: "Yep." Heenan: "Let's see if we can get him to talk later." 

(Heenan and Shiavone are talking about whether or not Cobra knows any secrets about Heenan because of Cobra's former profession. When the subject is brought up, Heenan begins to stutter, and Shiavone says he is sweating and he looks nervous) "I mean the other night we were just using the back door to that hotel because the front door was locked. I mean, he don't even know her name, she was an old friend of mine from school. He couldn't know anything about that. I mean 4 AM is 4 AM. He couldn't." 

(On Nitro) "Oh you can't be in the Dungeon of Doom unless you've had shock therapy!" 

(Regarding Bull Nakano on Nitro) "I think she's rather attractive... in kind of an oriental way." 

(Regarding Big Bubba vs. Jim Duggan at World War 3) "Bubba hit him so hard that I saw stuff flying out of his beard." 

(On Worldwide, Bobby had been praising the Japanese) Schiavonne: "... and they have a lot of money, don't they?" Heenan: "They do have a yen for me." 

(During a Nasty Boys match) Schiavone: "A drop toehold by one of the Nasty Boys, believe it or not." Heenan: "That was an accident, believe me." 

(During World War III taped fist match between Big Bubba Rogers and Hacksaw Jim Duggan) "What I would do is I would take the tape off of Duggan's fists and tie his hands behind him back. Then I would hit him so fast and so hard I'd knock his eyes straight. All three of them." 

(Referring to Duggan) "His grandmother was a taped fist champion. His father was an Irish Setter." 

(To Schiavone) "You're calling Duggan's face paydirt?" 

(August before Summerslam'92 on Prime Time Wrestling, this is all referring to the Rick Martel -Sherri wink and nod.) Hillbilly: "That Sherri is anyone's dog at a hunt." Heenan: "Sherri's a woman. Any woman is gonna wink at a guy." McMahon: "Stop winking at me." Heenan: "I'd waffle her in a second." McMahon: "Stop it now!" 

(One from the late 80's when Miss Elizabeth was around Randy Savage in the WWF. Elizabeth walks out to be interviewed by Mean Gene Okerland, who is already standing in position) Moonson: "Wow, look at that. Beautiful." Heenan: "I don't know, he's sort of going bald!" 

(As Cobra's Morse code theme music plays) "Hey! That sounds like Bockwinkel's pacemaker!" 

Heenan: Do you know how hard it is to go through 11 million dollars? Tony: "Can't say I do." Heenan: "OK! Let's try it like this. Do you know how hard it is to go through 9 dollars an a can of Spam?" 

Ross: "Why did you want my shoe size?" Heenan: "I'm going to get you some Italian loafers. One size fits all." 

(On Steiners Michigan letter-jacket) "Did the University give those to them to label them morons???" 

(On Pillman's career with the Bengals) "They would have won, if they traded him." 

(After Dave charged Bubba in the corner and got kicked in the mouth) "Good, Dave! You hit him with your mouth on the bottom of his foot!" 

(Regarding William "The Refrigerator" Perry, on Nitro) "The last time I saw 'The Refrigerator' move like that was when Ditka handed him the ball... or they opened the buffet line!" 

(Referring to Dusty Rhodes) "I feel like I'm doing a pay-per-view with Inspector Clouseau." 

Heenan: "Dusty, let's say you're Guerrero, what are you thinking right now?" Dusty: "That I lost a lot of weight." 

(After the German Suplex he said to Tony) " It's just a suplex, what are ya gonna say next it's a Yugoslavian Neckbreaker?!" 

(Dusty Rhodes is babbling incoherently about ring strategy) Rhodes (to Schiavone): "You know what I'm talkin' about?" Schiavone: "Yes." Heenan: "You KNOW what HE is talking about?" Schiavone: "Yes." Heenan: "Well ... that makes one of us." 

Schiavone: "And (ref) Nick Patrick having to restrain Alex Wright here... " Heenan: "He should have been restrained before he went in for that haircut." 

Schiavone: "You know, over the history of this sport there have been a lot of managers who have taken their wrestlers for a ride. Isn't that right?" Heenan: "OH, I've HEARD... I've heard of managers doing that, but I know from my experience as a manager I couldn't do enough for my wrestlers... " 

(After Schiavone gets done talking about the WCW-sponsored car in the Busch Grand Nationals) Heenan: "What kind of horses do they have?" 

Schiavone: "What is this deal of Sonny Onoo's you keep talking about?" Heenan: "I won't tell you if you won't tell me... (under his breath) he's gonna buy the Dallas Cowboys and move them to Yokohama." 

(Rhodes and Heenan had been complaining about Schiavone using names for holds with foreign countries in them, like the German Suplex, Russian Leg Sweep, etc. Finally while Schiavone was talking about Sting he said, "Rush of adrenaline" and Rhodes thought he'd said "Russian adrenaline."As the joke did not go over at all, Bobby was quick with the save) (To Schaivone) "Do you work for Rand McNally or something?" 

(This one was on Nitro - 1/1) "A friend is like a fish, three days later they stink." 

(From an episode of Monday Night Raw. Tatanka is battling Mr. Hughes. During the match Tatanka chops Hughes in the face and breaks off his sunglasses) Brain: "Wait! Now I know who Mr. Hughes is?" Vince: "Who?" Brain: "It's Barry White!" 

(WCW Main Event 1/7. Heenan is talking on phone while Okerlund is talking about something. Okerlund turns to Heenan to get his opinion and Heenan says that he is trying to book a room at Caesar's for the upcoming Clash of the Champions. He continues talking into the phone) Heenan: "Yeah, and I'd also like three rollaways." Okerlund: "Three rollaways????" Heenan (still talking into phone): "Oh, and three for him, too." 

 Heenan: "... like my old friend Mike Ditka says." Monsoon: "Your unemployed friend Mike Ditka?" Heenan: "He didn't want the job there anyways." 

 Heenan (to George Steinbrenner): "What do you do if you have a ring full of guys who can't work?" George: "Fire them!" Heenan: "Right! I got a ring full of Winfields." 

 (After a near 3 count) Heenan: "Bossman's mother could count faster than that." 

 (Again on the Bossman's mother) Heenan: "Her goatee is thicker than his." 

 Monsoon: "My cab driver told be he could have gotten five times what he paid for his (Royal Rumble) ticket." Heenan: "If I had a few of those, I'd be out front." 

 Vince: "There are three Canadians left in the battle Royal, with the Quebecers and Rick Martel." Heenan: "And Adam Bomb's from Three-Mile Island. That's like Canada." 

(To Vince) "That's a nice suit. You can hardly see that it's sewn up in the back." 

(Stolen from Norm Peterson) "It's a dog eat dog world... and Mr. Perfect is a milk bone." 

(During a Raw match between Marty Jannetty & 1-2-3 Kid, after McMahon had just finished mentioning that this would be a great technical match because of the sportsmanship of both wrestlers) Heenan: "I don't like that. Have you ever stepped on a guy's windpipe real hard?" 

(On the WMVIII 8-man tag team match) "Looks like the end-of-the-month sale at Bloomingdale's!" 

(Tatanka vs. Repo Man) "First time I ever saw Tonto kick the butt of the Lone Ranger!" 

(WCW Worldwide) Heenan: "You know what keeps Eddie Guerrero hopping around, flying all over the place like that?" Schiavone: "I think I know, but you give me your version." Heenan: "Have you ever had his mother's cooking?" 

(WCW Worldwide) Heenan: "Are you sure Psychosis isn't that flaky white skin you get on your elbow?" Schiavone: "No, that's cirrhosis." Heenan: "'Cause I know a good vet in Beverly Hills." Schiavone: "I'm sure you do." Heenan: "He'll keep you from scooting around on the floor real quick." 

Heenan: "You think I'm afraid of the Master?" Schiavone: "Yes." Heenan: "You think I'm afraid of Kamala?" Schiavone: "Yes." Heenan: "You think I'm afraid of the Taskmaster? Schiavone: "Yes." Heenan: "You calling me a chicken?" Schiavone: "Yes." Heenan: "How many eggs do you want?" 

(WCW Saturday Night 1/20/96 - Heenan is commentating on an Anderson match) Heenan: "Have you ever been to Minnesota during the winter, Schiavone?" Schiavone: "No, I haven't Bobby." Heenan: "Best two hours you'll ever spend." 

Heenan: "Do you know where (Col. Robert) Parker proposed to Sister Sherri?" Schiavone: "No." Heenan: "On the front lawn of Graceland." Schiavone: "In Memphis, Tennessee?" Heenan: "No, in Des Moines, Iowa, DUH... YES, in Memphis, Tennessee!" 

(During a Pillman/Benoit v. Armstrongs match on Worldwide the Brain had really cracked up Schiavone to the point where Schiavone missed a couple of moves because he was giggling) Schiavone: "Folks, I apologize for laughing at this man... " Heenan: "Why? Everybody laughs at Scott Armstrong!" 

"Look at the legs on Steve Armstrong. Are those his legs or does he have a stork in his trunks?" 

Heenan: "There's a Greco-Roman nose bite." Schiavone: "Yeah, and that makes it all the better, doesn't it?" Heenan: "You ever bite a Greco-Roman in the nose? You'll be there for days." 

(Schiavone's talking about the Parker/Sherri wedding) Schiavone: "Just you wait, six days from now, Colonel Parker's gonna be so upset, his hat isn't even gonna be white anymore." Heenan: "Or nine months from now, when the triplets come ... one of each." Schiavone: "Yeah, huh... (LONG pause) ... what?" Heenan: "You've never been to the maternity ward in Bucksnort, have you?" 

Schiavone: "Folks, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the institution of marriage, as long as it's with the right woman, but I think Parker's making a big mistake here." Heenan: "Well, you wouldn't know, you've never rented the right woman, have you?" Schiavone: "Will you stop?" (And who says WCW doesn't steal from the WWF?) 

"There's nothing better than a good, blind referee." 

"I mean, Colonel Parker is a terrible businessman. Absolutely horrible. That's what I like about him! He is so good, he could get a woman who was wearing white silk gloves to buy barbecue ribs." 

(Heenan to Monsoon) "When you go to bed I'm still up, and when you get up I've been up." 

Heenan: "You can lead a gift horse to water, but that doesn't mean it's a duck!" 

(The Barbarian is in the ring during a Royal Rumble) Heenan: "You know the Barbarian doesn't like any one, when I managed him he didn't like me." 

(Back in the days when Bobby and Gene used to stand in front of a blue screen on All-American and pretend they traveled all over the country, on this particular day, they were supposedly in Maine, in front of a large stack of lobster cages. Bobby has a stick in his hand and is rattling it across the cages) Gene: "What are you doing?" Heenan: "I'm poking the lobsters, trying to get them mad." Gene: "Those cages are empty!" Heenan: (Standing behind Gene) "I'll poke you!" 

(Prime Time Wrestling, just before the first SummerSlam) Monsoon: "If you don't have a ticket, I would say by now, Brain, wouldn't you... If you don't have a ticket by now, forget about it." Heenan: "Well, you got pay-per-view. You can sit at home and sit there in your shorts and have a TV dinner." Monsoon: (Slightly exasperated) "I'm saying if you want to be in the Garden- If you wanted to be in the Garden, it's almost too late." Heenan: "But you can't sit in your shorts in the Garden." Monsoon: (sighs) Heenan: "You know the rules." Monsoon: "I have to live with this. It's not easy, folks, believe me. Until next week, Gorilla Monsoon for this piece of work... " Heenan: "Hey, I can say goodnight to the people." Monsoon: "Go ahead, say... Go ahead, say goodnight." Heenan: "You ready?" Monsoon: "Yeah." Heenan: (Gives a raspberry to the audience) Monsoon: "Ah, goodnight, everybody." 

(Regarding Konnan) Bishcoff: "He's the star of a soap opera in Mexico." Heenan: "Yeah, it's called 'The Young and the Ridiculous.'" 

(During a match between Macho Man and Orndorff) Heenan: "Hey, Macho pulled his tights!" Schiavone: "No he didn't!" Heenan: "Yes he did!" Schiavone: "No!" Heenan: "Yes!" Schiavone: "No!" Heenan: "We'd better stop it, we're beginning to sound like the Zodiac Man!" Schiavone: (laughing) "Yes we are." Heenan: "No!" 

Brain: "Something smells funny to me." Schivone: "Jerry Sags is hot. You can see it in his eyes." Brain: "Maybe that's what smells funny." 

Schivone: "Well, you know what they say happens to a snake when you cut it's head off?" Brain: "Yeah, it becomes a belt." 

(Talking about Koko B Ware) "He gives up a little bit of height to Webster" 

Alfred Hayes: "Thank you so much Bobby for that kind introduction." Brain: "It was written down. I didn't come up with it." 

(Talking about the powder Bubba used against Sting) "Well, you know, he used to be a cop. Maybe it was those powdered donuts he made off with." 

(After Cobra gives away his dog tag to a fan) "That's an authentic dog tag from that man. You can get maybe 6 or 7 bucks for it at the pawn shop." 

Schivone: "I wouldn't let you do my taxes, either." Brain: "I don't do my own, either. I have my friend do mine." Schivone: "Oh really. Who's your friend?" Brain: "Never mind. He won't be out for another 6 months." 

(Regarding the Booty Babe) "She should get arrested for impersonating a lampshade." 

"A pat on the back is only 12 inches from a kick in the rear!" 

(His famous comeback after someone asks him how he thinks his remarks up) "These things just come to me." 

(At WMVIII, from Indiana, during the eight-man tag match. The fans are chanting "USA") Brain: "You know why they're chanting 'USA'" Gorilla: "Why, Brain?" Brain: "Because there's a rumor that Indiana is a foreign country." 

(At SS '92, as the Road Warriors and Paul Ellering head down to ringside on motorcycles, with Rocco sitting on the bars of Ellering's. Brain: "The dummy's driving the bike!!" 

(Talking about Jerry Lawler as he enters the '93 Rumble) Brain: "You know, Jerry Lawler is the host of WWF Superstars." Gorilla: "I thought Vince McMahon was the host of Superstars." Brain: "No, he gets him coffee, and shines his shoes." 

(After The Genius had just slugged Jameson at RR '92) Brain: "What courage that takes!" Gorilla: "To SLAP someone?" Brain: "No, to TOUCH that grease ball!" 

Brain: "The bad thing about the Bushwhackers is that win, lose, or draw, you gotta have everything you got on fumigated." 

(At RR '92, after Piper had just clothesline Jake Roberts as he was about to DDT Flair) Brain: "I never thought I'd say this, but thank you, Roddy! It's a kilt! It's not a skirt! It's a kilt!" (And after Piper had just kicked Flair as he had Roberts in the figure four seconds later) Brain: "Why, you no-good freak! You skirt-wearing freak! It's not a kilt, it's a skirt!" 

(At WMIX. Savage, Ross, and Heenan are talking about how Lex Luger has mysteriously knocked out every opponent he's faced with his forearm.) Savage: "Muhammad Ali couldn't knock out every opponent!" Brain: "Phhhhb! Now, you don't REALLY think that you could compare Muhammad Ali, to the NARCISSIST, could you? (laughs)" 

(At Uncensored, as Rhodes and Bully's truck passes a farmland) Brain: "There's the downtown area of Tupelo. Did you see the skyscrapers? Two stories." 

(At SS '93) Brain: "Hey Vince, Combs, ya wanna know who the Blue Knight is?" Vince: "Who?" Brain: "The guy in the ring right now." 

Ross: "I didn't see any tag there!" Savage: "There wasn't one." Brain: "You have sunglasses and a hat over your eyes." Ross: "I don't have any sunglasses on, and I didn't see it." Brain: "Yeah, but you're from Oklahoma." 

(As Savage apparently eliminated himself from the '92 Rumble to go after Jake) Brain: "You can't let your loved ones control your pocketbook!" 

(As Bagwell just bounced off the ropes and was hit hard in the face) Brain: "And that hurts! You're running at 25, 30 miles per hour... " 

Gorilla: "This place is going crazy! Look at the Hulkster pointing to all of his hulkamaniacs! Heenan: "He's not pointing to anybody, he's showing off how high he can count!" 

(Dustin roads is standing on top of the turnbuckle pounding someone. Dustin starts punching, the crowd starts counting the punches) Brain: "I've never been so surprised in my life." Tony: "You're surprised that Dustin is dominating this match?" Brain: "No, I'm surprised that the humanoids can count to 10... " 

(From Worldwide... During Kurasawa introduction, trying to explain the US/Japan cultural differences) Heenan: "You see, in America you kick to the base of the skull with the right foot, and to the lips with the left foot, but in Japan, you can do it with either foot, ou can be ambidextrous." Schiavone: "You are so full of it." Heenan: "I beg your pardon!" (Later the same match. Kurasawa had been kicking the jobber exclusively with his right foot during the match, which Schiavone brought up) Heenan: "Yeah, but in Japan, you know, they drive on the right side - the LEFT side of the road, it's the right side for them, and we drive on the right side of the road, so it's reversed." 

(To Schiavone) "I don't believe what you just told me about Uncensored, I don't believe what I just saw, I don't believe I'm here in WCW." 

(After Teddy Long gave an interview that was supposed to be to the camera but he was turned at about a 45-degree angle away from it) Schiavone: "You ever notice how Teddy Long never knows where the camera is?" Heenan: "There's a lot of things that Teddy Long doesn't know the location of." 

(Schiavone was listing all the people Heenan had lied to) Schiavone: "You lie to Steve McMichael, on Nitro live every Monday Night." Heenan: "Yeah, but that's different, his best friend is a dog so that's okay." 

(On One Man Gang - a Brain classic) "He's good to have at picnics - he keeps the flies off the food." 

"You know, you can bang the Nasty Boys' heads into the turnbuckles all you want, it doesn't matter, it just makes the turnbuckles stickier." 

Heenan: "Rocco Rock has to make the tag here, he's got a fresh Nasty in there." Schiavone: "A fresh Nasty." Heenan: "A fresh Nasty, if there is such a thing, they don't keep well in this weather, you know." 

(On Nitro, The Belfast Bruiser and Steven Regal are fighting in a match in a parking lot surrounded by cars) Heenan: "The parking lights are flashing... he's okay!" (Regal pins the Bruiser on the hood of a car they have trashed) Heenan: "He's out of gas!" (After a pause... ) Heenan: "Oh no... that's my car! That's my rental car!" 

(On Nitro, Bischoff is asking Heenan about his decision to return to managing) Bishcoff: "We wait with baited breath." Heenan: "If you didn't eat minnows, that wouldn't happen!" 

(Schiavone is reading a list of credits as the camera shows the crowd giving a heel thumbs down) Schiavone: "I guess the crowd doesn't like our production staff." Brain: "That's not possible." Schiavonne: "That's very true." Brain: "They've never worked with them before." 

(During a Road Warriors squash) Schiavone: "Animal's really fired up." Brain: "That's bad news for everyone. That's bad news for his neighbor." 

(After same LOD squash) Brain: "I don't know what cereal these guys eat, but it sure don't make them happy!" 

(As Marcus Alexander Bagwell takes off his jewelry before a match with Flair) Brain: "Well, Bagwell's taken off his 'Mr. T Starter Kit.'" 

Brain: "You know, they once found Dave Sullivan at the drive-in in winter, freezing to death. They asked him, what movie are you here for. He said: 'Closed For Season.'" 

Brain: "There is nothing quite like a good blind referee, except for a rich mother-in-law who likes to go bungee-jumping with a chainsaw." 

(While watching Hogan talk about his Hulkamaniacs on Worldwide) Brain: "I don't want to be part of any organization that Hulk Hogan is in charge of." 

Heenan: "What's the first letter in the word 'and?'" Tony: "'A.'" Heenan: "No, you didn't hear me. What's the first letter in the word 'and?'" Tony: "'A!'" Heenan: "Forget it. You must be Canadian." 

(As Disco Inferno enters, the talk turns to John Travolta) Tony: "'Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty... ' you going to go see 'Broken Arrow' when it comes out?" Heenan: "That sounds like the vows at Okerlund's wedding."

"250,000 bikers at Hog Wild? Hog Wild, I thought that was a bowling team from Milwaukee?" 

Brain: "Where is Sturgis?" Bischoff: "South Dakota." Brain: "Isn't it usually closed then?" 

(While NWO papers are dropping, after Syxx hits the button) Eric: "Can't they arrest him for littering in a public place? Get some security out there!" Brain: "Yeah, put him to sleep!" 

(During the Shawn Michaels/Marty Jannetty Intercontinental Title match at Royal Rumble 93, Michaels threw Jannetty out of the ring) Brain: "Shawn, you gotta piledrive him on the steps, break his neck and his shoulders." Monsoon: "Will you stop!" Brain: "It's a good amateur move!" 

(From WCW Saturday Night '95. Patriot vs. Vader with Flair in Vader's corner. Patriot is thrown at Flair's feet) "Gentleman backs away you notice." (Flair kicks him.) "That's so he can get a good running start." 

(On The Steiners) "See their jackets. See the 'M' on them. That means 'mental institution,' not Michigan State." 

(From Worldwide. Charles & Di somehow worked their way into the conversation. Heenan was talking about Lord Steven Regal) Brain: "... I saw Regal wrestle at the Royal Albert Hall." Tony: "Did you sit with Charles & Di?" Brain: "No, I sat with the queen." 

(From same match as above) Tony: "It's a no win situation arguing with you." Brain: "You can win, it'll just cost you some money." 

(Clash of Champions 30. Talking about Flair and the two women he had with him that night, and talking to Tony) "He introduced me to his two lady friends, Cynthia and Jessica. Jessica's mine for the evening. We're going dancing later on. You want to come? We do need someone to drive the car." 

(Great American Bash 95. Renegade vs. Anderson. Bobby on Jimmy Hart) "You know what the 'R' on Jimmy Hart's jacket stands for? Runt!" 

(When Kimchee scares Kamala during a match) "It's like if you have a big dog and he makes a mess in the house, you rub his nose in it and then work him over. 

"If a guy sticks his hand out to you, shake it..and then kick him real hard when he's not looking." 

(A Roddy Piper match in 1992) "OH NO! NOT PIPER! ANYONE BUT PIPER!" 

(1993 Royal Rumble Flair is Number 1. Before Heenan sees Flair he hears the music) "Oh no!" (Mr. Perfect runs to the ring during Royal Rumble 1993, he is feuding with Flair, who is in the ring.) "OH NO! OH MY GOD NO!" 

(Vince thinks Luger paid Skinner to take out Perfect. Skinner is losing) Brain: "Do you want your money?" McMahon: "Exactly!" Brain: "I mean, the winner's share is what I meant." 

Brain: "... when I was associated with him... " (meaning Mr. Perfect) McMahon: "Skinner?" Brain: "Not Skinner!" 

Brain: "If you cant comment on the match right, then leave." Monsoon: "I'm outta here." Brain: "Don't go yet, I gotta ask you another question." 

Bischoff: "We have a new World Heavyweight Champion!" Brain: "No, we have a new WCW Heavyweight Champion!" 

"Hey! There's champagne back there!" (Brain leaves ringside) 

"Johnny Grunge... 'Flyboy' Rocco Rock... oh yeah." (Better heard than read) 

"Go head Ric, get outside the ring... make him come to you... pick up a chair!" 

(About Barbarian and Meng) "They might not be able to do your taxes, but they know what to do in that ring." 

(Many of the following occurred during a match involving The Bushwhackers and midget Tiger Jackson) McMahon: "They pack dynamite in little packages, or something like that." Brain: "You should know." 

(Bushwhackers enter ringside area with Tiger Jackson) "Is that their daughter?" 

"Look at Jackson's head... he looks like a cashew." 

"Imagine licking the Fink's head..it must be like kissing a hospital mop." 

"I'd like to have him (Jackson) over my house... I need someone to sweep under the sofa." 

"Boy he's (Jackson) excited... he must feel like he's three feet tall." 

Brain: "Boy he loves baseball, that Jackson." McMahon: "Tiger Jackson loves baseball? You know it's almost baseball season." Brain: "I know, he cant wait to play shortstop." 

"That's a shame... Jackson looks like the smartest guy on the team... I guess you could call him a halfwit." 

Brain: "They (The Beverly Brothers and Little Louie) need to work on the little guy." McMahon: "That's illegal... the Beverly's are only supposed to tangle with the Bushwhackers." Brain: "That's okay, get him down on the ground and pull his teeth." McMahon: "Butch doesn't have any teeth... Luke doesn't have many either." Brain: "Not Luke! Pull Tiger Jackson's teeth, he's only got three ya know. That's all they have." McMahon: "What do you mean that's all THEY have?" Brain: "That's all midgets have, three teeth, two on the bottom one on the top... but they're good for opening cans." 

Brain: "Jackson couldn't even have breakfast this morning." McMahon: "Tiger Jackson couldn't have breakfast this morning?" Brain: "He ordered cereal and they brought him milk, but... he wanted half and half." 

Monsoon: "And you believe Tatanka will win be the Intercontinental champion after Survivor Series?" Brain: "No, I believe Tatanka will be out in the desert, trying to sell blankets." 

(Gorilla keeps babbling) "I'm talking to you!" 

(Around the time Everyone was wondering who's corner Mr. Perfect would be in at Survivor Series 92. Gorilla, Hillbilly, and Duggan keep asking Perfect and the Brain attempts to change the subject with the following) "How 'bout them Cubs, uh? I got some good news... Steinbrenner got reinstated. Ya know what I didn't like about the Olympics (pan off to ad) not enough midget wrestling." 

(Tatanka misses body press from 2nd rope) "HaHaHa, Tatanka fell off his old teepee!" 

"Why does the Steiner Brother wear earmuffs? Does he have bad ears? He should be selling shoes with Al Bundy." 

(After Savage rescues Hogan, causing him to be disqualified) "If he had stayed in the dressing room, maybe his little friend in the yellow suit would've won." 

(Talking about 70-year old Angelo Poffo) "He got his cane stuck in the sand and walked around in a circle for hours." 

(About the Booty Girl... formally the Diamond Doll) "She should be arrested for impersonating a lampshade." 

(From Monday Night Raw in July 1993, The Undertaker sent a wreath to Mr. Hughes) "Speaking of flowers, I've heard that Bill Clinton likes to have Flowers on his desk every morning." 

(Eric Bischoff, about the Nasty Boys talking with Hulk Hogan regarding their joining the New World Order) Bischoff: "Let me tell you something guys... Nasty Boys... if you believe that, then you're dumber than you look." Brain: "They couldn't be that dumb!"

(On a slow count) Brain: "Bossman's mother could've counted faster than that!" Gorilla: "Are you gonna start?" Brain: "What? That was a compliment!" 

(At Bash At The Beach '96) "If these Outsiders win tonight, we're all gonna be in deep... sand." 

(On Prime Time Wrestling, when the Warlord used Jameson as a workout weight) "Ladies and gentlemen, we've seen a first tonight. The first time anyone has ever used a human dumbbell for exercise." 

(Brain's comeback to a Gorilla comeback) Gorilla: "Stop it or I'll have you taken out!" Brain: "What? The host?" 

(On Bret Hart giving his sunglasses out) "There he is, buying fans again." 

(At WrestleMania VII Blindfold Match between Rick Martel and Jake Roberts) Brain: "Martel! He's on the floor!" Gorilla: "Are you kidding? He can't hear you!" Brain: "Roberts has 60,000 humanoids helping him out and I can't help Martel? Behind you! Behind you! He's behind you!" 

(Classic Gorilla comeback) "Keep it up and I'm gonna knock ya out." 

(Classic Brain comeback) Gorilla: "Listen to this crowd Brain, it's deafening in here!" Brain: "What? I can't hear you, it's deafening in here!" 

(Referring to Hacksaw Duggan) Heenan: "... and that man. Back in the ring after that operation." Schiavone & Dusty Rhodes (in unison): "What operation?" Heenan: "He's a brain donor." 

(During a Raw 1993 match between Doink and a bald jobber) "Ya know, neither wrestler in the ring has a decent haircut!" 

(During a summer 1995 WCW worldwide match involving Dave Sullivan) "Hey Schiavone, I saw Sullivan on the plane out here yesterday! A stewardess asked him if he wanted a beverage. He said yes. The stewardess then asked if he would like it in the can and Dave said, 'No, I will drink it right here!'" 

(During a early 1996 Worldwide match involving Brad Armstrong) Brain: "Hey Tony, Isn't Armstrong Hill folk?" Schiavone: "Hill folk?" Brain: "Yeah, before the show, Armstrong asked me what my favorite part of the squirrel is. He's Hillfolk!" 

(During a freeze frame shot of Typhoon in 1993) "Boy, look at how he hangs in the air like that!" 

(On the Armstrongs) Brain: "Oh, the Armstrongs won't win this one, they're quitters!" Schiavone: "That's not true, do you make this stuff up? Brain: "No, Bob Armstrong himself told me that!" 

(During a match involving Bull Nakano on Nitro in 1995) "Hey, What Okerlund wouldn't give to have a head of hair like that!" 

(On a edition of Nitro in Sept, 1996) Schiavone: "Hey Brain, I guess Okerlund just grew one hair and wrapped it around his head, huh?" Brain: "No, actually, he wrapped it around twice!" 

(During a Oct 1996 WCW Worldwide. Shiavone is talking about managing and how Heenan needed talented wrestlers to succeed at managing) Schiavone: "So brain, your saying you managed all your wrestlers to the top by yourself, whether they were talented or not?" Brain: "Oh, I see you read my book!" 

(At Halloween havoc '94 the Nasty Boys are carrying two Halloween masks of 'Beavis and Butthead') Schiavone: "Are those 'Beavis and Butthead' masks they are throwing into the crowd?" Brain: "Well, I know what 'Beavis and Butthead would say if they saw the Nasty Boys." Schiavone: "What?" Brain: "Heh heh heh heh Nasties SUCK! Heh heh heh heh... " 

 (During the WM VIII 8-man tag match, Repo Man is standing straddled over Big Bossman. He attempts to drop onto Bossman's lower back, butt first. Bossman turns over and catches him with a fist to the groin) "Uh-oh. He just Repo'ed himself!" 

 (This was from the mid 80's and Tito Santana's tag team partner is getting beaten up in the ring) Monsoon: "I can't believe that Tito Santana hasn't come out here to help his partner." Brain: "He can't come out here, immigration is sitting in the front row!" 

 (At Wrestlemania VIII, commenting on Bret Hart/Roddy Piper stare down) "What are they doing, just staring at each other? That's fun, two ugly people just staring at each other." 

 (At Survivor Series 1993, before Undertaker sits up from Banzai Drop) "If the Undertaker gets up from that, I'm a weasel." 

(At Great American Bash 1995, to Gene Okerlund) "I don't need you to make a fool out of me." 

 (A classic Heenan quote that he used often) "You know how Paul Bearer got that urn? The old fashioned way. He urned it!" 

(At Bash at the Beach '94. Nick Bockwinkel is introduced) "Is that Nick Bockwinkel or Lloyd Bridges?" 

 (On an episode of Prime Time Wrestling. Heenan and Monsoon are in the Old West) Chinese Laundry Guy: "Ah, ah-so ah-so." Brain: "What did you call me?!" 

 (At Halloween Havoc '96, Heenan sees Hogan with hair on the top of his head) "Oh my God! He's grown feathers!" 

 (Also at Bash at the Beach '94. Shaquille O'Neal is holding up the WCW World Title Belt) "The belt looks like cufflinks for O'Neal." 

 (At Halloween Havoc '94. Sherri is basically in her underwear) "We're getting down to the bare facts here." 

 Schiavone: "There's Chris Cruz back on the hotline." Brain: "Is that Chris Cruz or Dr. Kevorkian?" 

 (At a Monday Nitro. The NWO music begins to play and they approach the broadcast booth) Brain: "See ya!" (and leaves) 

 (Tatanka is wrestling) Brain: "You know what his favorite toys are? Tatanka trucks." 

 (On WCW Main Event, talking of what it's like to wrestle against Chris Benoit) "I'd rather go down to the San Diego Zoo, dressed like a pork chop, and jump in the lion's pen." 

 (To Schiavone after calling a ladies match involving Japanese wrestlers) "I like the way you pronounce those Japanese names, you could do Hungarian hockey." 

 (After Shawn Michaels rams Jannetty's shoulder into the post) "That'll make your shirt fit funny." (After he does it again) "That'll make your coat fit funny." 

 Monsoon: "Somebody call security." Brain: "Why, are you gonna have another hot dog?" 

 (About Mabel in Doink make-up) "Isn't that Oprah Winfrey?" 

 Brain: "I suppose you want to be the president of the WWF now" Vince McMahon: "I'm happy just to be here, thanks." 

 Vince: "The kid has tremendous heart." Brain: "Kick him in the heart then." 

 (About Razor) "He hit him with that big Babaloo punch." 

 Vince: "He is oozing machismo." Brain: "... and there's something dripping off his hair." 

(At the '92 Survivor Series, during the first Shawn/Bret title match. Hart is down and Shawn is kicking him) Brain: "Don't hit him in the head, he's a Hart!" (Also, later in the same match) Brain: "Remember the plan, Shawn. Go back to your roots. Give him some good Greco-Roman kicking!" 

 (On Glacier's entrance) "Worst case of dandruff I've ever seen." 

 (Referring to the Amazing French Canadians as they sing the national anthem) Schiavone: "Last week we thought they couldn't sing, and this week we KNOW they can't. So there you go." Brain: "Well, they're no Righteous Brothers, but they're not bad." Schivone: "Brain, they're horrible!" Brain:"THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS!" Schivone (laughing): "No. The French Canadians!" Brain: "Oh. They're very good." 

 (In the AWA, before his match with Blackjack Lanza) "I'm gonna take you down so many times you're gonna think you got bucked of the horse at the K-Mart." 

 (After doing a guest color commentary) "Well Rod Trongard, it's been your pleasure and the fans' pleasure that I sat in with you." 

 (After introducing Harley Race, who he was managing at the time) "See, anyone can do your job Okerlund" 

 (In 1983 Heenan would wrestle Buck Zumhoff for the AWA Light Heavyweight title, provided Heenan made the required weight of 215 lbs. When ring announcer Verne Gagne announced that he was 217 lbs, and this was a non title match, Heenan grabbed the mic and said... ) "I am 215 lbs. However, they weighed me on a cheap Chicago scale." 

 (At Hog Wild, Heenan had been commenting on the gams-legs-of Woman during the Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko match. Later during the Ric Flair match the Brain, Dusty Rhodes and Tony Schiavone had the following exchange) Heenan: "Will you look at those gams on Woman." Rhodes: "Did he say hams?" Schiavone: "No, he said gams, like legs. Ladies and gentlemen, once again I am serving as an interpreter for Bobby Heenan and Dusty Rhodes." 

 (From Nitro Oct 7th, 1996. Arn Anderson had rolled out of the ring to buy himself some time) Bischoff: "Like any good athlete, whether you're pitching in the World Series, whether you're throwing a football, whether you're playing golf, you can slow the pace of the game." Brain: "And you must admit, Woman's a little better looking than Jack Nicklaus." (At this point Bischoff and Tenay pathetically attempt to contain their laughter) Brain: "YOU'RE (Bischoff) better looking than Jack Nicklaus!" Bischoff: "So are you, Bobby!" Brain: "Oh, I knew that!" 

 Bischoff: "Our good buddy, Kevin Greene, got two sacks yesterday, if I read USA Today right." Heenan: "Yeah, at the 7-11. One was full of beer, the other nuts." Bischoff: "No, no... got them against the Minnesota Vikings." Heenan (laughs): "Who couldn't?" 

 "You know Dusty Rhodes used to love to go duck hunting, but he quit because he didn't do too well. He couldn't throw the dog high enough." 

 (During a squash match. Rough & Ready against Prince Iaukea and a NBSJ: Never Before Seen Jobber) Brain: "What is he the prince of?" Schiavone: "I suppose one of the South Pacific islands... maybe Fiji, maybe Tonga." Heenan: "Maybe Newark."